The Simplest Act that Can Change Your Life

Whichever way we choose to communicate, the power of the written word is indisputable. That’s because the act of writing things down, with our hands clutching a pen and the ink drenching the page, is a practice that elicits a specific response in humans. Recent research suggests that the physical practice of writing—not texting, not typing, not voice-noting—is linked to stronger memory recall and higher brain activation. (Professor Kuniyoshi L. Sakai, a neuroscientist at the University of Tokyo and the author of a 2021 study on physical handwriting has been quoted saying that “paper is more advanced and useful compared to electronic documents because paper contains more one-of-a-kind information for stronger memory recall.”)

Writing down your thoughts—or goals, or ideas, or lists—is also a means that helps you bring ideas to life, author and life coach R.A. Leslie tells us. “It’s a visualization,” says Leslie, who bases much of her coaching work on journaling. (Leslie taught a journaling workshop for our first HEAL with PrimaFoodie Summit this past summer.) “You concretize things when you write them down. You get clarity—and your subconscious will actually obey what your conscious mind is telling you.” Leslie’s theory shows that by putting something to paper, the thought becomes real which in turn causes “your subconscious to obey what your conscious mind is telling you.”

So, if you seek to eat more vegetables: Write it down. If you desire to cook at home more: Jot it on paper. If you yearn for more organization and clarity: Go analog. “Whatever your goal is, if you want to be healthy, want to feel a certain way, want to follow this plan to feel better and healthier, writing helps,” says Leslie.

It also works from the other end of the spectrum. Meaning, if you lack the motivation to do something that you know would be great for you, writing it down can “trick” you into doing that actual act, says Leslie. “It’s really about telling your mind what it’s going to do.”

These reminders of how an exercise that is so simple yet so transformative intrigues us—particularly because we’ll soon be launching a PrimaFoodie tool that harnesses this power. (More on this very soon—stay tuned!) In the meantime, here are three more reasons to consider picking up the pen or pencil more often:

#1: It is fast. Sure, we’ve become so used to tapping a quick note to ourselves on our phones, but jotting down an idea with our entire hand is usually much swifter than relying only on our two thumbs. This is why Leslie is always prepared. “I have a piece of paper and a pen with me all the time.”

#2: It is easy. There’s no pressure to jot things down perfectly, says Leslie. Do it in your style and your way, whether this means dedicating a full hour to journal, using a consistent planner, or quickly jotting down random handwritten notes. The key is to write with no parameters. “This is something that should be pleasurable and enjoyable.”

#3: It is the beginning of something bigger. What is the bridge between our thoughts, goals, and dreams and their reality? Leslie says it is the act of immortalizing the idea. “The [aspect of] writing it down is the first step to really feeling and doing what you want.”

Stay tuned here and on Instragram for our upcoming PrimaFoodie launch that incorporates this simple, life-changing skill.

The Life-Shifting Potential of a 'Mindset Detox': A Conversation with Coach Keren Eldad

We’re aware of the toxins that can build up in our bodies, say from eating lots of refined sugar or processed foods. We also know about the havoc this can wreak on our health. What many of us tend to overlook, however, is how our minds are also susceptible to toxicity. “Our mindsets can also be affected by toxins building up, through the accumulation of toxic thoughts,” says certified career and executive coach, Keren Eldad (whom we and her legions of fans call ‘Coach Keren.’)

Nagging and harsh narratives that play out in our heads, like I’m not good enough or I will never be successful are what Coach Keren calls “junk food thoughts.” They may seem banal, but their impact is harsh—and they can get in our way of living a truly authentic and happy life.

Enter ‘The Mindset Detox,’ Coach Keren’s brilliant strategy for freeing ourselves from toxic thoughts. It’s accessible to everyone and—as she outlines in conversation with Nichole here—an incredible antidote to overwhelm and unhappiness.

A Conversation with Coach Keren Eldad

What is ‘The Mindset Detox’ and why is it important?

The Mindset Detox is simple, and so important and relevant for everyone. The reason why a mindset—the established set of attitudes held by someone—“detox” is critical to most is because most people need one. Most people are feeling stressed, stuck, and just feeling like they are not living to the fullness of their potential. The latest Gallup poll and American Psychological Association figures consistently show that north of 60 percent of U.S. adults are feeling daily stress and worry, and this is just one area in which most of us could use a bit of a “cleanse” (to borrow from detox terminology).

We hear a lot about detoxing the body; about how there are chemicals in food that can be harmful, how pesticides can affect us, and how bacteria can build up in our systems. We hear about the perils of gluten, and sugar, and caffeine, and we are aware that the consumption of these can fill our bodies with harmful toxins, which can cause us to feel bad, or to at least not be in optimal health. Many of us are also aware that in order to alleviate the results of toxin buildup, many experts recommend a deep cleansing to help rid those toxins, and get you feeling better. 

My theory is that in the same way, our mindsets can also be affected by toxins building up, through the accumulation of toxic thoughts. Junk food thoughts, like I can’t get well, I won’t forgive this person, there isn’t enough time to catch up, and everyone else is doing so much better than me. If this rings true or familiar with anyone out there reading this, I believe the solution (or at least, the beginning of the solution) is The Mindset Detox.

Specifically, you may want to work your way out of the five most common negative patterns of thought that I have seen, as a certified coach and as a suicide counselor with CTL, towards undoing them and getting past them. These “toxic five,” based on my work with over 500 top-tier leaders and my years of experience as a crisis and suicide counselor are judgment, insecurity (self-judgment), negativity, blame and resentment, and impatience.

What is the best way to go about The Mindset Detox? Where do we start?

The best way to START is to recognize that we are not entirely happy. This is very hard to admit – but just as any search for a cleanse or cure begins in the body, it must start with the awareness of what does not feel so good. When we can identify that there are anxious thoughts we could live without, that guilt plagues us, or that we constantly compare ourselves to other people, or that we tend to blame others in moments of stress – we can also begin to target these and begin to do the work to unwind our mindsets from these patterns. In other words – to detox.

This depends on two things: 1. Admitting that you do not feel 100 percent great all the time, that you do not “have it all together,” that you do not know everything and that you could use some help or work on learning something new around here, and 2. Being able to welcome some uncertainty and discomfort into your life for a brief period while you go through your detox. Just as for most people (if they are anything like me) a cleanse is a shift that requires some effort and discomfort, same thing goes for a mindset detox. We have to relinquish old, habitual patterns of thought that will not just roll over and die. It will require a period of internal work. The good news is, with a great coach and excellent support system, this goes easier. In fact, you may even enjoy the learnings and the process of tackling and detoxing from each of the aforementioned five.

What are some ways to identify toxic thoughts?

It’s pretty easy to identify them but clearing them out is an entirely different matter. I am not too sure a clearing out of brain space is possible, at least not entirely, but a shift in focus IS–and that is what a detox is about.

Let’s begin with identification. I’m fairly certain, as I speak to people day in and day out about thoughts that trouble them, thoughts that scare them and thoughts that seem to feel heavy, that most people know what I’m talking about and can identify these very readily. But let me get specific here to give you some examples: When we dwell on how somebody hurt us or how something set us off our course. 

When we make constant comparisons, dwell on blame, harp on and on about how we never get ahead, on how we have been at this company for so long but don’t think we are being appreciated or are getting anywhere, and even on how terrible 2020 was – we are thinking toxic thoughts. If we let such thoughts linger without check, they will infect our entire lives, affect our attitude and self-image, and they will become a part of who we are. 

Like me, you probably know people who have let their toxic thoughts run away with them. They are bitter, cynical, sour, constantly complaining, stressed, anxious. They are probably also stuck in a negative rut–perhaps in a bad relationship, or perennially single, perhaps constantly in debt or going from job to job, and so on. Why is that? It’s because they let those thoughts take root. By now, their negative—or toxic–patterns of thinking - have not only become who they are, but self-fulfilling prophecies. 

And if you are honest, you probably also identify some such thoughts in YOU. These thoughts come to us all. What is of extraordinary value is our ability to identify them, our willingness to experience or sit with them, and our desire to learn how to focus our mind more on what we DO want to think than on what we DO NOT want to think. This is the work of the detox.

How can we start to shift our focus?

To unpack all patterns of toxic or negative thought would be too elaborate here, but let me begin to help you shift your focus from a negative thought with my number one favorite mindset-shifting exercise. I call it the Pause Principle. Here is how it works:

Every time you hit an obstacle or challenge from now on, I want you to do this: DO NOTHING. Literally hit pause. In this moment, take three steps: 

1. Turn Inward. Recognize your reaction is the real enemy. Getting defensive, angry, jumping to conclusions–these are the actual problems. The tip off will be negative emotion. Stop yourself right there. 

2. Question. Ask yourself: “Is what I see or how I see it the absolute truth? Is this the full story?” If not -get curious. 

3. Reframe. Ask yourself: “How can I see this as an opportunity?”

What is an example of a moment when you have integrated this into your life?

A couple of years ago, I was seated on a flight from Miami to NYC, next to my friend-Latin American TV host Lili Estefan. We sat, we chatted, we drank wine. I was on top of the world. Then, that terrible thing happened. The one that sets us all off – even normally calm people: The plane got grounded, and we were asked to get off the plane. 

This truly incurred my wrath, first because I thought I would be late getting home, and mostly because I was in first class, and sitting next to a celebrity. But as we disembarked, I did that PAUSE in my head. 

In the pause–I first noted to myself that freaking out would not be a good reaction. To wit, as we walked back into the airport, I saw this lady totally take it out on a receptionist who couldn’t do anything for her. She was the problem. Next, I asked myself if the grounding was really so bad. As a stereotypically Jewish person, that was very easy for me to do, because I’ve had a lifetime of training for disasters. So, I conjured them up. I thought- who knows – we might have crashed? Maybe something was wrong with the plane? Maybe the pilot is going through a breakup and isn’t fit to fly?

And finally – in a pause that literally took about 17 seconds, I turned it around and instantly saw the opportunity. I mean, HELLO?  I was in the Miami airport, with a South American superstar. Lili and I turned that very long delay into an adventure. We ran around the airport in one of those golf carts making Instagram movies, and delighting not only everyone around us – but ourselves, too. We had dinner. It was fun. 

The bottom line is that though we did fly coach home, and we did get in late, we got a great story out of it. Plus, my IG following tripled that night, and I got three new clients in South America. 

How do you get out of feeling down and out when nothing seems to be going your way?

What you describe is a conflation of the toxic five. Feeling “stuck,” or “down” with general malaise is seldom only about insecurity or impatience. It’s more of a cluster of feelings. I think what this question is about to address is the feeling many people out there have, which is that they are stuck, or down. It’s like a nagging dissatisfaction.

If so, then I will assume that these people want motivation, and have heard all the advice on how to get motivated and even though they really want to move ahead, they just feel that they...can’t. If so – HOW does one get out of this and into the next level?

The first thing I can say to this is that I understand, and that I know how hard this state is. I remember being stuck myself–way back when I was considering getting divorced, or when I just couldn’t find the wherewithal to start my own business, or when my first business shut down, or when both my cats died in 2015 and I found myself having to start all over at the age of 36.

I mention these times in my life because I want anyone out there to know that they are not alone, and can get over any period of challenge or stagnation, no matter how prolonged. The way out is through the recognition of two useful perspectives:

1. That you are not actually stuck. What is actually happening is that you are committed to certain patterns of behavior because they’ve helped you in the past. Now, if you are feeling stuck,then those behaviors have become more harmful than helpful. But if you understand that the reason why you can’t move forward is because you keep applying old formulas to a new level in your life, maybe you will embrace what you hear here today–because I will give you the new formula you can try in order to get new results. 

2. That you are VERY powerful and CAN move forward if you want to. For those out there who are “stuck,” or feeling “down:” I would like to remind you of who you are. You are pure potential. You are a magnificent being with a LOT to offer. If you are stuck, you may have forgotten this. Take a second to remember who you are right now. You are not small. You are not meant to be small. Similarly, you will not be stuck forever. Figure out what’s missing in your life. What aren’t you doing or what are you doing too much of that’s causing you to feel so stuck?

To move forward, you will specifically need to embrace these two perspectives. You will also need let go of three things:

1. the past,

2. any blame towards yourself or others, and of course

3. caring what anyone thinks about your upcoming transformation because you will 100 percent fail. That’s just how life works.

To begin to embody these principles and move forward, listen to the stories in your head. What are you telling yourself about what happened to you in the past? Does it involve blame, shame and regret? Does it involve judgment? AUDIT your stories for the toxic five.

If you identify any of the toxic five (and you likely will), ask yourself why you are stuck on these stories and what you can do to live with them, accept them, and move forward. You can't undo what has brought you here, but you can choose to find peace and to make it useful to you, which will allow you to see your reality in new ways and feel freer to change your attitude. All this takes is work and the earnest desire to grow.

Personally, I did this work just because I was so sick of being that person who whines all the time. Way back when, I had stories too–one to explain each of my problems. They kept me justifying why I was in a crappy marriage, why I didn’t like my job but really couldn’t start my own company, why I couldn’t afford vacation, and whatever else I was denying myself. 

As Rumi said, you were born with greatness. Once you realize this, and really receive it in your heart (it’s ok to mull it over; realizing you are awesome takes time) the rest, the “mindset detox” itself, is peanuts.

What are your top tips for daily mindset resets?

I have only three tips and I live by them:

1. Meditate every day for 15 minutes and read as much uplifting content as you can, for 30 minutes, every day. Happy minds begin and end with what you feed them

2. Two epic daily writing practices: A. Write to do lists each morning and watch your time and energy expenditure. You are not a machine, do not live like one; B. Write three things you appreciate each day in a gratitude journal. It will change your focus, which will change your life.

3. Curate and hang out with people who are awesome, happy and rooting for your rise. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, can do this alone.

For more of Coach Keren’s Mindset Detox tips, watch her IG Live conversation with Nichole HERE.

3 Mindset Tips for Meeting Exercise Resolutions

Reaching our goals is no easy feat. To create any change requires consistency, gumption, and ultimately belief in ourselves. But so often, we focus too much on the end game rather than the success along the way. It is there, in the process, where the greatness exists. That's why at PrimaFoodie we want to celebrate those small wins. They may seem more limited in size, but they add up to remarkable things. 

It’s the time of year when many of us are trying to make good on big resolutions relating to health and fitness. Whether it’s a new exercise routine or a clean protocol, we come to these decisions with clear-eyed optimism and excitement. But so often—too often, really—we’re left in the dust of our aspirations. But what’s important to remember is that it’s not a lack of gumption or willpower that causes us to fall short of resolutions. It’s our approach. Big goals are achieved through small steps.

I have lived this truth over and over. When I’ve fallen out of an exercise routine, my first instinct would often be to get back on track by leaping into a long run. And then it would hit me: I wasn’t ready for a long run. What I needed was to take a walk around the block—and then to celebrate it. Because that walk would be the first step to the journey that would lead me to the long, joyful run I was envisioning and back into my routine.

If I had pushed myself into a big run, there’s a good chance I would have ended up with exhausted muscles—or worse—and that would have set me back even further. By taking the healthy micro steps that my body really needed, I could build up to a long run in a sustainable way, meaning I’d be able to run easily and often. And that’s really the goal, right? To get into a fitness rhythm where you’re getting exercise most days and you’re feeling good doing it.  

So how do we practice this? By embracing all the steps, no matter their size, and celebrating the small wins. They all add up to a marathon—and by leaning into them, we enjoy the journey so much more. 

 3 Mindset Tips for Meeting Exercise Resolutions

 1. Clear the obstacles.

 All kinds of distractions and impediments can throw us off track. Clear them out of the way so there is nothing between you and your workout.

 -  Get things ready the night before. Fill up your water bottle, lay out your workout clothes, and have everything where it needs to be so you can get to your workout without anything slowing you down.

-  Have a plan. Work with a trainer who creates custom workouts for you or try one of the many workouts available online. There’s so much out there, you don’t have to come up with your workout yourself (and enjoying the challenge with others is motivating).

-  Plan for unexpected opportunities. Keep a pair of running shoes or your favorite workout equipment in your car. If you find yourself out and about with time to spare, you can sneak in some exercise outdoors. It’s a much better way to celebrate free time than hunching over your phone.

 2. Trust that every minute counts.

 Most of us know we should be aiming for at least 150 minutes of physical exercise a week—and that moving more often means even greater health benefits. But this can be broken up into tiny chunks. If 30 minutes a day, five days a week, feels overwhelming, try three 10-minute sessions, or even six 5-minute sessions, in a day. Research shows it’s as beneficial to your health as doing 30 minutes at once. Here are some tips:

 -   Try the scientific 7-minute workout. Many applaud this quick-but-intense interval method.

-   Working from home? Pretend you have to “commute” to your next Zoom meeting and take a walk around the block or go up and down the stairs for a few minutes before you sign on.

-   If you sit a lot during the day, take a 5-minute dance break (or squat break or push-up break) after you complete a big task.

 3. Honor yourself and your wins.

Maybe you’re not up for a full-on marathon today. (If you’re just getting back to an exercise routine, you’re probably not.) So start small—literally. Tell yourself, “I’m not going to run on day one, I’m going to walk around the block.” And then acknowledge and celebrate yourself for doing just that. Even the seemingly small act of taking the stairs can result in a huge shift. Every minute and every movement counts. They are the steps that add up to your lasting fitness journey.

With love,
PrimaFoodie

Why Women Need to Make their Voices Heard

Several years ago, I began to notice a troubling trend in my daughter’s preschool classroom. My daughter, who had always been bright, opinionated, and decisive, began to shrink and silence herself. I watched as the boys would shout their answers while she would sit quietly with her arm raised, choosing to follow the rules rather than compete for her voice to be heard. 

This scene was a stark image of the significant imbalance we face in the world. Too many women shrink themselves, quiet their voice, and alter their visions to cater to others. Witnessing this broke my heart. It also lit a fire in my soul. I have work to do—we all have more work to do—to encourage true gender equity in the world.

We see how the cards are stacked against women everywhere. I have seen powerful, smart women stagnate or stall in their careers after taking time to have children. Certainly, we have evolved as a society, and the job of childcare is shouldered by both men and women. However, there still is a significant imbalance, which results in women either downshifting their careers, giving up on their passions, leaving the workforce entirely, or facing significant obstacles and disadvantages when they choose to re-enter the workforce. 

 In 2020 alone, a year that has been marked by significant challenges, women have been disproportionately impacted in the work world, thus facing intense barriers including the loss of jobs and stymied careers. This has an immediate effect on the individual, but also in her family, community, and society at large. When women leave the workforce, it cuts into the future of women leaders.

 It is critical that we change mindset around women’s equity and be advocates for change. We need to take the steps to shift the conversation and put an emphasis on progressing parity. Whether it be starting a business, raising caring children, or pursuing any passion, every woman’s purpose and voice is worthy of being nurtured, honored, and respected. These decisions are what grow our society. Until we have a world that supports every woman's choices rather than penalize them, we need to fight.

 One of the most influential ways to do this is to invest in ourselves. We need to own our dreams and accomplishments. We need to rally for progressive work policies, support female entrepreneurs, offer inclusive maternal leave, and buoy what we truly want each and every day. That is up to us. Quieting our voices doesn’t lead to true change. Pursuing our passions, fighting for our worth, and bolstering our personal agency does.

 By doing this we are doing two giant things: We’re giving credence to our dreams and we’re working to knock down a systemic issue that has, for too long, become central to modern life. It is scary, I know. I have left the workforce, had a child, experimented, and started businesses all facing great precarity. I have experienced ups and downs and weathered huge learning curves. It is hard but it is worth it. I know my voice is worthy. And when I face doubt, I think back to my daughter raising her little hand in class. I want to set the tone for her and all girls that our voices need to be heard.  

 So let’s all go forth, dream big, and evolve the system. We need your voice, and your power. I am here cheering you on.

x PrimaFoodie

Honoring the Modest Moments

Reaching our goals is no easy feat. To create any change requires consistency, gumption, and ultimately belief in ourselves. But so often, we focus too much on the end game rather than the success along the way. It is there, in the process, where the greatness exists. That's why at PrimaFoodie we want to celebrate those small wins. They may seem more limited in size, but they add up to remarkable things. We want to be so many things.

By Stacey Lindsay

We want to be successful. Accomplished. Present. Innovative. And—perhaps most of all—we want to be finishers. That is, we want to "crush" the lofty high goals that we set for ourselves. We want to reach the end game so we can move on to the next thing.

The word "crush" has taken a front-row seat in our modern lexicon (along with "kill"). To "crush it" today means to exceed the goals we've made for ourselves in an exclamatory way. While accomplishing something is positive, there’s an underlying stressful connotation to this saying: Everything we do or want to do seems to be laced with an all-or-nothing mentality: We crush it or we don't. We kill it or we fail. 

This rigid expectational mindset is everywhere. There's a shared impulse to overachieve, which stems from an unremitting way of life that has blossomed in America. We leave no wiggle room, be it in how we parent, how we move forward in our careers, or how we take care of ourselves. It's all or nothing. Couple this with the fact that every facet of our lives now seems to be an opportunity to multi-task or commodify. If we aren't spending every minute working to get smarter, healthier, fitter, richer, or better then what are we doing?

One thing we're doing is hurting ourselves. When we give more credence to the things we don’t accomplish, we actually feed into a greater cycle of failing. Research over the past decade has shown that when we don't work to control our self-criticism it can negatively impact our progress in meeting our goals. (Separate research links self-criticism to depression.)

What this all-or-nothing approach also does is keep us from missing out on the deep enjoyment that comes from the things in-between the idea and the goal. Instead of looking at the end game, if we take pause and look at the smaller wins—be it one less cup of coffee or taking the stairs instead of the elevator—we're more likely to continue moving forward on that path. Jenny O'Dell perfectly captures this in her book, How to Do Nothing. She writes that "patterns of attention—what we choose to notice and what we do not—are how we render reality for ourselves, and thus have a direct bearing on what we feel is possible at any given time." There is a "revolutionary potential" to taking back our attention, O'Dell continues. We can find pleasure, satisfaction, and encouragement from the wins that we've so long been overlooking.

Because it is in these nuances that the joy lives. These smaller wins, the moments that build to the next, count for way more than we give them credit. I believe we need to give them more credence. We need to learn to be more compassionate and generous with ourselves—which research touts as a way to promote self-growth and accomplishment. Instead of giving in to self-loathing over not completing a new at-home workout routine, why not focus on the fact that you signed up for it in the first place? That’s a win. Or rather than dwelling on the fact that you ate the entire chocolate bar, why not pay attention to the dried herbs you swapped out for fresh cilantro in your dinner? These things may seem meager but, in fact, they're huge. Small shifts add up to great things. It's simply up to us to see that.

We are living in uncertain times. Each of our situations is different but our collective front against a health epidemic is the same. We need to—more than ever—be good to ourselves and lean into the modest moments. After all, it is these small wins that lead to great things.

It is these small wins that make us human.

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Stacey Lindsay is part of the PrimaFoodie team. A longtime journalist, she was formerly the articles editor at goop. Throughout her career she has covered the topics of women’s issues, philanthropy, veterans' rights, climate change, civic engagement, and financial health for various print, digital, and TV outlets.