Food Protocol Boundaries

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5 Ways to Set Boundaries around How You Eat

Boundaries set the stage for positive relationships and healthier lives. There’s freedom when we clearly communicate barriers with others and simultaneously stand by our decisions. This is evidenced everywhere, from parenting to life choices. But here at PrimaFoodie, we’ve found boundaries often get overlooked when it comes to our dietary choices. It can be challenging when our food protocols clash with social engagements or other people’s diets. This is why some clear direction can be helpful.  

  1. Communicate your protocols. Our founder, Nichole, has sometimes felt like a broken record when it comes to telling others about her dietary restrictions. But clear and consistent communication is essential. Whether you’re hosting people or are a guest in someone’s home, always announce your dietary needs well ahead of time (at least two days prior). It can be as simple as, “I am dairy, grain and sugar free and so is our household” via an email or text.  It’s simple, elegant, and it will put everyone at ease.

  2. Explain expectations for guests. After you clearly communicate your dietary needs, make your expectations for others known. It can be quite clear and direct, such as “please do not bring any dairy, gluten, or refined sugars into our home.” Or it can be more open and flexible like, “if you choose to bring any food, please label exactly what it contains, such as wheat or dairy.” These expectations are important because as common as restrictive diets are these days, conversations around them are still lacking.

  3. Call ahead about the menu. When Nichole receives an invitation, she always calls ahead to alert the host and ask if the menu can be sent in advance. From there, she knows what she can and cannot eat. If there are things of concern, you can request a swap or change, such as: “Would you please hold the sauce or breadcrumbs? Or save a chicken breast on the side for me?” These are easy solutions in the kitchen and require little effort from your host to ensure you can enjoy the party.

  4. Address gifts. No one wants to show up empty handed. But no one wants to show up with a gift that interferes with your health. For generous guests who insist on bringing gifts, it’s helpful to tell them exactly what to bring: flowers. It’s one simple, loving gift that will avoid any health issues or conflict.

  5. Inquire about other health measures. Nearly all of 2020 has involved navigating a global pandemic. With this has come a varied mix of people’s opinions about safety. While everyone’s decisions are personal, they inevitably impact others. When hosting, announce your sentiments around safety beforehand—i.e. “There will be no more than nine guests present. Dinner will be outside, so please bring a jacket. We request everyone wear masks before and after dinner.” When invited to someone’s home, politely ask about what’s important to you ahead of time.

What we’ve learned over time is that these strategies not only support your health and happiness, but they go a long way in strengthening friendships. Because after all, communication and understanding are the centerpiece of all relationships. And our health deserves to be front and center.

‘Cupcakegate’: What I Learned about Honoring My Boundaries around My Food and Health Choices

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Two absolutes in life are food and people. We all have to eat, and we all have to co-exist. But it is more complicated than this. How we choose to eat and the nutrition choices we make can present challenges when we’re with others. As someone who has been on a strict protocol for many years, I’ve experienced how my choices can sometimes cause misunderstandings. This has been a wake-up call about how we all need to practice greater empathy and healthy boundaries when it comes to our health.

 One of my greatest learnings happened a few years ago when my friend, Rachel, stayed at our house. Rachel and I knew each other well. Our children played together frequently, and I told her all about my health journey and how I was following a food protocol. By all accounts, we were well informed about each other’s lives. 

 At the time, I had been on the SIBO Diet for seven months, and I was working extremely hard to heal myself of various ailments. To achieve this, I was abstaining from a wide variety of foods, including grains, complex carbohydrates, and any processed sugar. I had made progress, and was feeling better and healthier every day.

 While hosting Rachel, I had been working for a large part of her stay. Therefore, I wasn’t fully keyed into all the happenings around the house. One day when I came home, I saw a plate of cupcakes sitting on the kitchen counter. Lightly pink and topped with frosting, these cupcakes looked just like the SIBO-approved, grain- and dairy-free treats our nanny and my daughter make from time to time.

 I was hungry and so grateful for the gift. I picked one up and started eating it. The cake was crumbly. The frosting buttery. It was delicious. I was so distracted with settling back home and the other hundred things on my mind, that I didn’t give the cupcake much thought—until the realization hit me: These weren’t our usual cupcakes. They were made with good intentions, but also with so many ingredients I had worked hard to avoid, including grain, dairy and refined sugar. They were left unlabeled on the counter, which is why I mistook them as something I could eat. It was a small oversight that set me way back on my work and healing. I had a considerable flare-up that led to severe illness. I was in bed for about two days. It took another two to three weeks before I began to feel wholly myself again. 

 After I told Rachel what happened, I learned that the cupcakes were not brought by her but rather her mother. I would never have expected her mother to know my dietary restrictions, but after all the meals we had shared together in the past, I didn’t see how my friend could forget to mention something that was so important to my health. But we can never assume. Mistakes happen. People forget.

 This issue taught me why boundaries around our food choices are so critical. They need to be announced, clarified, and reminded. Not because it’s a matter of preference, but because it’s a matter of health. This issue begs the question: How do we navigate our interactions with people when our choices aren’t always compatible?

 I’ve spent a long time thinking about this. I’ve come to realize that we can’t second-guess ourselves. We can’t apologize for eating a certain way or feel like we need to defend our decisions. We can contort our needs to make others comfortable. We have to be vocal about them. As anyone who has been on the gut-healing journey can tell you, there are highs and lows, setbacks, and sacrifices. But these become harder when others interfere—even with the best intentions.  

 You expect that the one place you can eat safely to be your own home. Home is the one environment where you don’t have to remind the chef, the server, or the food runner at a restaurant of your allergy or your dietary restriction. For someone suffering from dietary issues, this can be a very vulnerable position. That is why it is so critical to have this safe place to eat—even if it’s only one shelf in your pantry. In our home, I’m clear about the necessity of food labeling and how important it is to communicate what the food is, what it contains, and that it has a correct place to be stored.

 I’m also clear about what guests can and cannot bring into our home. When I host a dinner party or have guests come to visit (pre-COVID days) I make a point to announce our strict diet rules. I tell everyone that we’re a gluten and dairy-free home, and that if they bring any food into the house, it must be labeled. And the lesson goes both ways. When I’m a guest in the homes of others, I’m very conscious of explaining my needs ahead of time.

It’s important to speak up. And it is even more important to do this without any sense of shame. That’s why I am perfectly comfortable with being the weird one—until it’s no longer weird. As a society, we will never fully accept sensitivities around food protocols until they become the norm. And it won’t be the norm until we begin talking about these more openly. 

Food and people: These two absolutes must come with boundaries and clear communication.